I'm not gonna lie

I’m not gonna lie, this is a hard week. I can tell because I’m taking things personally. That dinner I wasn’t invited to. Yet, I like one on ones with my friends too. That ex with sad eyes I talked to. Yet, it’s not on me to make him happy anymore. I can feel the turmoil. I can feel it boiling.

But I’m noticing the signs. And that’s a good sign.

It’s like pasta water is on the gas in the kitchen, and instead of waiting until it foams over to take the pot off the heat, I check on it every so often and add a wooden tablespoon across the top when it starts to foam. The water will come to a boil, but I’ll be there to lower the heat. No need for cleanup after. Well, just the pot, I guess.

And when the water is ready, I’ll add the pasta. But I’ll measure it out first. I used to trust my eyes, now I’m taking baby steps. Adding more a little at a time. I can’t believe I didn’t use to see the signs. I used to bring a mop to my kitchen every single week. I was feeling more, too, though. The bubbles rising, the hum of the hood, the hiss of the water. Now it gently simmers in front of my eyes.

Dampened emotions instead of a damp floor.

Some days, I can’t tell which I like more.