i want the 28 years i spent learning excel back

i want the 28 years i spent learning excel back

i woke up this morning and filled up my little journal of whether yesterday was a day where l'd hit the reset button or not, and saw that for the past 6 weeks there's been only two days where i wouldn't. and i thought of how much joy i felt connecting with people through social media last year and how i've just not been posting because ive just not been the positive minded happy self i like to be.

but i never meant to be a highlight reel, i always meant to be vulnerable. so i'll be real for a second. and i'll start by saying i'm so very aware of the good things in my life these days, because i'm trying to focus on them so much. but pain is pain right?

if i'm being honest, i'm absolutely fucking lost right now. last year changed me so much. it made me close the door on my corporate life, an area where I succeeded effortlessly. It made me step into art and music and writing (writing should be first) and while i'm confident in my skills, i'm not at that level yet, i might never be. the steps to creative success are less clear cut than making a spreadsheet. it made me dream bigger, which is also scarier.

it made me conscious of the amount of energy i have, the way i am able to pour that into people, and made me re-evaluate the why.

connecting with people is my core strength and source of inspiration. i felt that so much while living in new york. since moving back, however, things have dulled. i'm never not working, and i don't have much time to create anymore.

my manuscript sits on my computer, workshopped and already loved by such wonderful writers, just waiting for me to get through my list of edits but i cannot find the time because to be honest, whenever i have 4 hours off i just want to nap, and cancelling all my social plans is not the right thing to do when i feel already isolated.

the friendships that were pillars in my life are being chipped away at and i'm not meeting hundreds of people i'm excited about, and my crush counter stands at 0. trust me that is weiiiird for me (i've got perpetually in love tattooed for fucks sake). maybe i just left my heart on the east coast.

ship it back please?

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